aka.  Hullu of Canon Harakat al-Tahrir al-Watani al-Filastini

the will to change this world burns so hot that it will consume me.

help me by opening your mind for your own thoughts. 

we  got a label now: planned confusion

musical projects which may be like bands:
my discography

grey park
n (or just nosfe)
max & power

other musical projects where i'm participating/have participated:
helsinki computer orchestra
helsinki no spirit

music clubs:

video art:

visual art:

demoscene related computer multimedia art:
my demozoo page with some of the stuff i've done...


programming projects:

 press  -- some collected fame

to leave your mark:

somewhere a friend has committed suicide.

why don't we help people more?

we are so fucking isolated. we are so fucking isolated. we are so fucking isolated. we are so fucking isolated. we are so fucking isolated.

Something About Us

It might not be the right time 
I might not be the right one 
But there's something about us I want to say 
Cause there's something between us anyway 

I might not be the right one 
It might not be the right time 
But there's something about us I've got to do 
Some kind of secret I will share with you 

I need you more than anything in my life 
I want you more than anything in my life 
I'll miss you more than anyone in my life 
I love you more than anyone in my life

-daft punk

lately i've been listening to current 93

all the blossoms have been paid for
pettled with blood
back over their moulded walls
with spiteful flames

i can't hear the voice
i can't see the form

the wallpaper peering
let the walls down
and the bone answers
to my question:

what time is it?
what place is this?
which conjunction is this?

all this waste
where the clocks tick away
all around
what hour is this
in the middle of the night?

the cat's crying in the street
the car sweeps by with a murdered child
the car sweeps by with a violated girl
the car sweeps by with its trunk full of death

do you believe in god?
do you believe in christ?

what monsters we've become.

this flight from ease will finally kill us all
and all we need is something

let us lie and sleep and dream
other dreams. brighter dreams. better dreams.

- current 93: judas as black moth

CATHARSIS: the arsonists prayer

...The horror, that we may not live
We may not live
To see the walls fall from between us
Between us and the world which these songs cry out

That the desire, which still lives, to contest, a mark of shame upon certain
will remain an offering unto the dead, illegible, irrelevant
And we will be shaped into priestly statues in poses of defiance before our
own masters
To softly, safely sing the praises of a disarmed war, a lukewarm love
So lest we fall out of lust for life, let us risk all we have to risk
For only a fool, only a fool, would cling to this world as it is

If i could strike one blow to spite their forces, though i might bear one
hundred more,
I would wear the welts like rubies, and the shackles for a crown
And if i had one hundred hearts I would throw them all before their bullets
Before Iīd sell a single one to wield their power
So lest we fall out of love with life, let us give all we have to give  
For only a fool would cling to this world

Autumn, the leaves fell,
Then the trees
Became fences and factories
Now winter is coming
Letīs put the heat on

...but no fire or ice, their absences suffice  
The nights now wil be long and cold, with a silence like you never known
And youīll shake in it, cry out at it, but it will wrap you in its spiders
Perhaps youīll stare into that blankness until it peers back into you
And both of you see nothing, and it wil wrap you in its spiders thread
That blessed are the womb that are barren
Blessed are the branches tha bear no fruit
Blessed are the rivers run dry
For we have come to the end of the world
To die

So die...die and become perish, let go and be done
With all the tangled threads that keep you tied to husks of false hopes,
If these years still wait for those who will be more merciless than history
To burn the chaff and make an end, to make the fields fertile once again
Then break...break the skin
Open...open and reach in
And draw the nerves out taut to play a song upon those tight strings
Such as this world has never heard
Let it be dirge, hymn, or dance, vomit or tears, absolving snowfall or acid
Summer that sets fire to the harvest, or ice age that, thawing, blossoms
crimson pain
Pleasure or death, splendor or rust, flash flood or drought tha turns
jungles to crust
Those tender caresses for which the skin aches
Or tear gas to breathe and plate glass to break
The uproar of riot, the hush of nightfall, or sirens announcing the doom of
us all
The triumph of failures who fought at all costs, or despair of derelict
dreams who lost
Silence and space...hungers to be...momentary eternities
The furrows of ash left by passion and wrath
The faithless fixed stars over our wandering paths
As the moon moves the see, we could move these mountains
As comets drop to earth, so might empires end
As old suns explode rather than fall to dust
Let us steal fire and pay with our lives if we must
For if all this world is Godīs, and man a mens plaything of laws and strings
Then why not raze it all, and in destroying at least set sail on borrowed
Anything other than what we have known
Strike the match, take a breath now...the hour has come
To dance the resistance, teach tied tongues to sing
This is the end of the calendar, the last loosening!
Around and inside you, the violence you fear...for or against it, itīs
already here
It forged the cord that bound you to the ground...it built these walls

We Rise Above

Sometimes I feel that Im cornered
Cornered in my own darkness

Like a neverending pain
Always there to remind 
Remind me that Im not allowed 
to feel happiness

The empty eyes in the mirror tells me
They tell me Im down for the count
Every second of reality pays a visit
Just to deconstruct my world

But when we lay down close
We will rise above
The feel of your skin makes me feel safe

But then we lay down close
We will rise above
The feel of your skin makes me feel warm


Schizotypal:Very High
Borderline:Very High
Avoidant:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

................. a test taken a year or two later says:
Paranoid:Very High
Schizotypal:Very High
Avoidant:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test --
-- Personality Disorder Information --

a test taken x years later
Paranoid Personality Disorder:High
Schizoid Personality Disorder:Moderate
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:Moderate
Borderline Personality Disorder:Moderate
Histrionic Personality Disorder:Moderate
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:Very High
Dependent Personality Disorder:High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:High

-- Take the Personality Disorder Test --
-- Personality Disorder Info --

Paranoid Disorder:High
Schizoid Disorder:Moderate
Schizotypal Disorder:High
Antisocial Disorder:High
Borderline Disorder:Moderate
Histrionic Disorder:Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:High
Avoidant Disorder:Very High
Dependent Disorder:High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --
-- Personality Disorders --

When it's time i've reached the fuck i wish i wish you did it.